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Erased

You wrote the scene and I played the part,
Was flawless till you made our story end.
Looking back won’t get me anywhere. I’m left on my own to fend.
I won’t go on and tell you about my bleeding heart.
So I’ll look on ahead and begin my new start.

Or at least I’ll try and pretend
until I find my new boyfriend.
But for now I’ll find our photos and tear them apart.
And maybe pick up a new hobby like mixed martial arts.

That will most likely have to do.
I’ll soon find my nitch
And all the pieces will fall in place.
It may take awhile but I will stop thinking of you.
You were nothing, but a minor glitch.
A memory that I will gladly erase.

 

©Alissa Vreeland, 2017.

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RESPONSIBILITY

Still drowning looking for a life preserver that may never come.
I’m sinking down into my indebted guilt.
There seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s not for me.
I suffocate in the darkness on my own fumes.

I’m sinking down. Into my indebted guilt
bricks crush the very thought of recovering.
I suffocate in the darkness on my own. Fuming
at the fumes that accelerates my hate.

Bricks crush the very thought of recovery.
There has to be a way to resolve
the fumes that accelerates my hatred
for all the crap that now takes ownership of me.

Still drowning. Looking for a life preserver that will never come.
There hasn’t been a way to resolve.
There seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s not for me.
all my crap now takes ownership of me.

©Alissa Vreeland, 2017.

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Sleep Paralysis

A numbing tingle begins to spread
No sound, but I try to shout.
A realization. I am filled with dread
I’m back in my personal hell, desperate to break out

Paralyzed as weight sits on my chest
Suffocating on my voiceless screams
There is no one who can hear my protest.
I am cursed with such horrid dreams.

Tears roll down my face
Eyes, shut, scared to look at what I might see
I need to get out of this place
I must gain control before IT gets me.

I let it all fade to black.
But the nightmares come back

 

©Alissa Vreeland, 2017.

 

 

The World and Me

A moment hasn’t passed that I haven’t thought of you
How is it the world can still be moving.
I sit here broken in two.

Those who are happy and carefree, if only they saw my point of view,
A dark cloud is looming.
A moment hasn’t passed that I haven’t thought of you.

I am isolated in a bubble stuck with glue,
While everyone can move freely, mingling
I sit here broken in two.

My tears, memories, and existence. All tainted with blue.
Those on the outside have a different viewing.
A moment hasn’t passed that I haven’t thought of you.

There’s no button that can undo
the pain and misery I am ensuing.
I sit here broken in two.

The world keeps on moving through
me unmoving.
A moment hasn’t passed that I haven’t thought of you.
I sit here broken in two.

©Alissa Vreeland, 2017.

A Godmother’s Prayer

You are life’s greatest treasure,
a warmth of happiness radiates with every smile.
The love for you, cannot be measured,
please stay young awhile.

Never lose that sparkle in your eye.
Keep close all your hopes and dreams,
and never let the little things pass by.
Remember God’s love will always beam.

Never be afraid to be you.
You will come across moments in life when you are sad or angry
but, have no fear you will get through,
with the help and love of your family.

So if you stick to some of these guidelines
I know you can always stay true you, Carmine.

Writing with You

Ink black to blue
writing trying to connect to you.
Finger to finger,
your soul still lingers.
Words you thought you’d never write
somehow take form to ignite.
Hand in hand, guiding me along,
it’s like having you near me all day long.
Even though you are my loss,
You will live on within this cross pen.

©Alissa Vreeland, 2017.

Sedatephobia

Sedatephobia the fear of silence.

This silence is killing me,
its telling me everything that’s wrong with me.

This silence is burning me,
asking me questions I don’t want to know.

This silence is trapping me,
isolating me from reality.

This silence is freezing me,
numbing me side my core.

This silence is beating me,
heart is racing I’m about to explode.

This silence is suffocating me,
gasping for air to breathe

This silence is muting me,
words and sounds escape me.

This silence is me

©Alissa Vreeland, 2017.

Could, Could Have, Cannot

I cannot undo what is already done
No thread I can reattach to be connected to you.
No button to press to have you reappear.
No bargaining plea to have you here with me.

When we were younger They would say anything is possible
But, clearly they chose to forget to mention this.
This defeating feeling at not making all things possible.
It’s a force of nature I cannot control.

With a little help of this force I could go back and
say the things I needed to say,
change all the bad to good,
Never make you feel anything less than loved.

I could see your blue eyes shine bright, once more.
Cherish your arms around me, once more.
Breathe in your scent, once more.
Once more, I could be with you.

You could call out my name, once more.
kiss me, once more
say that you love me, once more.
Once more, we could be one.

We could.
We could have.
We cannot.
I cannot undo what is already done.

 

©Alissa Vreeland, 2017.